Hi Everybody!  I have been on hiatus from blogging and writing (other than journaling) for several years now and have decided to give it a go again.  The truth is, I got scared, and I felt like I was an imposter of sorts trying to be a writer.  When I started, I read tons of books about blogging and all of them said that I was doing it wrong.  They said I had to have a niche, had to do all kinds of marketing, had to post so many times per week and on the same days, etc.  I wasn’t doing any of those things really, which meant I was failing.  And to add fuel to the fire, the negative voice in my head, easily overpowered God whispers to my heart:

“Who do you think you are? You aren’t a writer.  You don’t have what it takes.  No one wants to read your crap.  Everybody thinks you’re foolish!”

And so, I quit.

But here’s the thing, when God puts a dream in your heart, it doesn’t go away.  So here I am.  I don’t know what I am doing.  I don’t have a niche.  I don’t know how often I’ll post, but I’m just going to write.  And you know what, that’s okay.  I’m blazing my own trail!  The definition of a writer is “one who writes.”  And, I’m going to blog, which simply means I am going to post what I write on this website.

So if you are looking for a place that covers one specific topic, this isn’t a blog for you.  I saw a fb post that says something like, “I don’t have my ducks in a row; I have squirrels in my brain having a rave.”  Yep, that’s me!

I’ve decided that this year is going to be a year of personal growth—which covers a lot of topics on the journey—hence the long tag line under my name above.  I’ve also learned a lot through my life thus far, and sharing some of those things might help someone that’s reading my blog.  Sometimes I might share something funny and other times a struggle or challenge.

I’ve become an empty nester,  and I am trying to find my way through this life changing experience of basically getting asked to retire from a job I’ve loved for a little over half of my life with no severance pay.  I’ve been trying to lose the “baby weight”– I gained 25 years ago–for 25 years.  I think its about time to slay that dragon.  Darci (that’s the name I gave my mean girl shit-talker in my head) has shamed me for years for being fat, lazy, ugly, and disgraceful.  When I am really overweight, like right now, Darci tries to kill any semblance of self-confidence and self-worth I have.  I have had periods where I have lost some weight, but then gained it back each time stress, emotions, grief, etc. took control of my fork.  But the key here is that I have succeeded before, so I know I can do it again.

Also, to add to this, a new beast arrived—midlife…and along with it, lots of physical changes—thinning hair, skin that feels like I’ve been baking in the Sahara desert (I literally put moisturizer on my face 3 times a day), and when I turned 45, this spare tire thing just showed up around my middle—WTH is this?  My brain goes on mini-vacations frequently and I feel like I have ADHD (this is not a diagnosis but an analogy).  I find myself in the middle of saying something and then, “POOF”, no idea what I was going to say.

The good news is that with age and maturity come some great things too, like finally making the choice to make myself a priority and not giving a rat’s ass about what people may think about my choices.  I have also started telling Darci to shut the hell up!  (Disclaimer-I am sure there are wonderful women named Darci.)

As one of my closest friends noted, 2019 is going to be my bitch!  I’m tired of playing small, tired of being overweight, depressed, and ready to start becoming more of who I am meant to be.  It’s going to be an amazing journey!

So if you want to hop on the hot mess train to an unknown destination (though it will be a good one), stay tuned! e

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